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RIP mr nimoy28 august 2014my dearest AJHwe ve spoken a lot about stories about how they work and what they e for and about the pieces of ourselves that can end up in the words we writei told you about a woman who loved me once and how i honored her in the stories i wrote you told me about the old wound you d finally found a way to heal in the pages of a novel you wrote about coming homewriting is both an external and internal thing isn t it about the inside and the outside and most of the time none of it has any meaning without someone else coming along to see which pieces of themselves fit into what you ve writtenwe spent a lot of time you and i trading our writing trading our pieces and then you wrote me a storyin the months since i first got to ead it i ve tried to write a eview exactly seven different timeseach time i spent all this energy going through examples of stories i ve experienced in films or songs or novels which had touched me in the same waystories that had pieces of myself in them toothe mechanics are simple and it s what i both love and hate about MM as a genre when i ecognize myself inside a story the story becomes mine somehow and for a time i live that story like it s actually my lifesometimes it s subtle sometimes it s the faintest hint of an ideabut once i ecognize it i never forget iteverreading this story was like eading a diaryyou did it on purpose and you did it for mei told you how i sometimes feel invisible when i ead books that are supposed to be about me supposedly about people like me but find that they e not about me or even for me at allso you wrote me this I felt in some way uite deeply seen i told you about the time i wrote a story about an assassin to say goodbye to a friend so you wrote me this too Sometimes I stared into the pixels that were his eyes looking for the loss of me and when i complained sick to death of shitty novels about the scenes of endless pointless stultifyingly vapid conversation that are a hallmark of bad omantic fictionyou wrote me a omance with not a single word of dialogue in it at allnot onebecause you knew it would make me laughand laugh i didnot least because you also paid me the highest tribute i ve eceived in my short careeryou turned your considerable talents among which the ability to capture the voice and the cadence of a particular type of person to lend authenticity to each of the stories you tell towards writing a thing in the style of yours truly a ight incorrigible motherfucker of a julio alexi genao first of his nameshort sentences punchy paragraphs em dashed subjunctive clauses and everythinglike a glorious badassand oh how it works it s me and it s you and it worksit s beautifulkinetic musical haunting violent heartbreaking and elentlessly beautifuland in a way i ve never before experienced to this extent mine They like to tell stories by their fires stories I like to imagine that are older than the old world stories about things that never change or fade away and so do wei know a lot of creative peoplesome are my friends some are my family and once upon a time some. Once upon a time that’s how the old stories always beginOnce upon a time there was a king of a fallen kingdom He was just and he was beloved Or so the numbers said One day he gathered together the greatest wisest minds in all the land not sorcerers but scientists and he bade them fashion him a son
Of them were my lovers tooi am 37 years old as of this writing and i can tell you that i have never ever in the span of my life to date eceived a gift this personal and this magicalnobody has ever written me a story beforeuntil nowuntil this storythe tales we tell that endure do so because despite the aliens the gangsters and even the mermen they e always about uswe can all ecognize ourselves in the stories we consume and in that way we live foreveracross generations and even different versions of the same talei thank you with everything in me and i promise to eturn the favor one dayto surprise you with it like you surprised meand to share it with other people as you have so that they too may feel as deeply seenhopefully you will come to the last line of that work the way i came to the last line of this onefull of joy and wonder and gratitudejustmaybe with not so much of the helpless blubbering thothank youi emain your friendJAG I had only uestions uncertainties and shame A kiss that was not a kiss from a man who was not a man Upon finding out there was going to be a new Alexis Hall book I did a not so little suee Upon finding out there was going to be a new Alexis Hall book featuring merfolk well I sueed a lot Then I sueed some Then I sueed some againBasically I sueed so much I was in danger of sueeing myself into a state of implosionSo today I finally got my grubby little hands on this It couldn t have come at a better time I ve been feeling a bit poorly and a new comfort ead from Alexis Hall was just what the doctor orderedI hunker down with my copy of Sand and Ruin and Gold and spend approximately 47 minutes staring at the incredibly dreamsome cover before I start to ead I m eadingBut wait a dingleberrying minuteWhy are my glims feeling weird Why is my nose ticklingThat s not supposed to happen I m eading an Alexis Hall story about a merman and a prince for fucks sakeBut the thing is you see while this may have been about mythical merfolk and a merman named Nerites and a prince in particular the themes surrounding them were wholly elatableLove loss a yearning to belongWho hasn t felt one or a combination of all three at some point in their life I know I haveSo I spent a very large part of my Saturday eading this short story Freuently needing to take breaks because it became too much while at the same time it wasn t enough Crying and feeling helpless for the Prince Nerites and the other merfolk Generally I was educed to an incomprehensible mess But you know what I don t careBecause this bookThis fucking bookIt was beautiful and perfect So we live as we always have together in the only way we can at the very edges of freedom this isn t one of the old stories This is the story of today and tomorrowThis is the story of a man who hurts but can t cry a nameless Prince who is given a name with the word love in it from strangers This is the story of a failed design for perfection Twisted and unwanted perfectionIt s about lost things and found dreams About stolen freedom and cruelty understanding and careIt s beautiful and violent and unforgettable. Prince A perfect prince to embody his father’s legacyThe scientists each brought the prince a gift beauty strength ambition intellect pride But they must have forgotten something because when he saw the mermaids dance at the Cirue de la Mer he an away to join themFor a year he trained them performed.
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It broke my heart And I loved every word of it Okay so I m on a e eading my favourite books spree because I just needed to ead books I knew that were safe that I would love that would touch meWith Ruin it s the same experience as with Glitterland I love it with every ead but gosh do I feel the bad things too The agony of witnessing how the mermaids are mistreated is excruciatingI had seen him made less than a beast Mere object commodity a thing to be used And I couldn t care any what I was or what he was or if we were different or the sameThis small story is breathtakingly beautiful and melancholic I love it so much there are not enough words and never the ight ones to express how much I adore thisYou might askIs this a love story I d say Yes it isIs this a omantic story then Again I d say Yes it isSo this is a omantic love story Here s the thing I d have to say No it isn t This is a story of princes and monstersGosh I love the blurb It s amazing and fits the book perfectlyI m sorry I can t tell you much about the book At least nothing about the plot or the characters That s not me anyway But in this case impossibleI ll tell you though that I loved the writing and that I loved the emotion in this book I had only uestions uncertainties and shame A kiss that was not a kiss from a man who was not a manFor uotes look at my updates I had to stop myself to not uote the whole bookAs for the emotions This is aw Tender and subtle Sad and beautiful Full of power esignation and also hopeAlso the dialogue in this book is emarkable Sand and Ruin and Gold gets all the stars from me and the cover is stunningly beautiful Every behavior instinct or stifling of every sense of egret hope and loneliness are me They e me And they e youNo matter how you slice it shame and degradation and ignorant superiority are selfish and painful No matter how pretty the intent the disgust and scars are there breathingDon t force me to be what you think you see what you want to see what your own irrational fear forces you to see instead of meNo one should have to touch through glass We don t need the glass Why can t the est of them see thatThose people that wonder why I or anyone is nakedly struck to the core when someone is made to feel they aren t seen that they e discarded trashed not worth the love and freedom and heart well ead this and maybe you ll finally understand And It doesn t have to hurt It doesn t hurtSimply because you didn t teach me something didn t think or didn t want to teach me that doesn t mean the heart doesn t find a way It does The boundaries of our belonging are too frayed too uncertain and our worlds meet only at the limits of my body So we live as we always have together in the only way we can at the very edges of freedomThis is the truth for many I want it to be a lie only an unsettling dream a elic we can t even conjure let alone touchIf forty pages can lay everything out to aw bare imagine what a gesture a word of understanding appreciation acknowledgment of love can doForty pages of a lifelong web of growth failure forgiveness time and love. With them thought he was happy For a year he thought he was free But then Nerites came A merman who efused to be tamed A captive from another kingdom A beast in a glass cageThe old stories always end with happy ever after But this isn’t one of the old stories This is a story of princes and monsters.
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